“The transformation of intimacy: Sexuality, love & eroticism in modern societies” by Anthony Giddens, written in 1992, is an emotional analysis of the modern social order in which he argues that the transformation of intimacy, in which women are playing the most prominent role, offers us the possibility of a radical democratization of the personal sphere.
Giddens ’concept of confluent love is not a proposition, but the interpretation of an existing, expanding reality that essentially lays the groundwork for a healthy relationship between two self-realized, fearless people. loneliness, which constitute an active, reflective and agreed bond.
Although sometimes difficult to pair, even for their own protagonists, perhaps in large part because they carry feelings of insecurity and guilt as a result of repression that is very evident in his book.
This is one of the post-romantic conceptions of love that values the fact that the confluent couple believes in equality, emotional and sexual satisfaction. He does not understand myths such as eternal love or the need to sacrifice for the other and focuses rather on daily affection, cooperation and reciprocity. It is no longer a matter of finding “my better half”, we are all whole, and relationships are a thoughtful and agreed upon commitment, which can lead to questioning “all or nothing” and opening the door to relationship models where loving someone, perhaps it does not have to involve having to live together.
Giddens argues that confluent love is not necessarily monogamous in the sense of sexual exclusivity, but does presuppose equality in emotional giving and receiving, we are talking about a version of love in which a person’s sexuality it is a factor that must be negotiated as part of the relationship.
The decline of romantic love for life is coupled with the ability of women, in recent decades, on the one hand to take control of their body and sexuality, and on the other the possibility of being financially self-sufficient. Therefore, it is in their hands where much of the ability to establish a new framework in relationships is.
Another new concept of relationship is the so-called Liquid Love that Zygmunt Bauman raised around 2003, which seems to have resonated more and is closer to a complaint about the evolution of relationships. It tells us about the fragility of bonds and defines current relationships as lacking in solidity, warmth, and a tendency to be increasingly fleeting, superficial, and less committed. According to him, other people are just beginning to be commodities to meet your needs, and love runs the risk of becoming a kind of mutual consumption guided by the economy and the philosophy of using it and throw away.
His argument is that love has become “liquid”, and nothing is “solid” as it was in the past that was supposed to enjoy firmer and less fickle values. Superficial and ethereal contacts through social media have moved into real life, and the new relationship model according to Bauman is a symptom of decay.
Tenint part de raó, Bauman ens porta a l’altre extrem i al meu entendre confon una part amb el tot, menysprea tBeing partly right, Bauman takes us to the other extreme and in my opinion confuses one part with the whole, despises all that is positive about freeing ourselves from dogmas and chains and forgets that men, their economic status it has allowed them to historically enjoy more “liquidity”. Bourgeois romanticism was accompanied by the popularization of the figure of the lover (and brothels), as a complement to the institution of marriage. For men “liquid” love is nothing new.
El que en surti de tot això quelcom positiu o negatiu, depèn de les possibilitats de reconduir els models de relació existenWhat comes out of all this, something positive or negative, depends on the possibilities of redirecting the existing models of relationship, and at the same time on the reaction of the power to maintain control of sexuality. And it’s worth delving into.
I don’t know if Terenci Moix when he said that “Sex is basic in people’s lives, both when it is done
as when he is repressed” had read Giddens, but he would certainly agree with him.
Passionate love, falling in love, is common to all cultures, but not so the concept of romantic love, originated as a social response to the needs of a very specific economic model. Falling in love is quite common in all cultures, but its implications are very different. We would do well to review the work of the classics. Giddens, speaking of confluent love, does so, and tells us about the concept of love and sexuality of Freud, Foucault, Marcuse, … but we must not forget also Reich, Malinovsky, Marvin Harris and other studies such as those of Daniel Kahneman, Michael Ryan, Eduard Punset himself or even Friedrich Engels, of whom we may be talking, and who analyze the historical evolution of relations and social institutions in different cultures and times.
Talking about sexual repression by the system may seem exaggerated, but remember that it occurred to me that kissing on the street, in addition to considering it a sin, could lead to jail or being fined, which still happens today in Arab countries, to consider sexual freedom to be free access to pornography.
A business that according to studies moves more than 30% of Internet traffic and about 5 billion euros a year, largely controlled by large investment funds, which today is according to the Save the Children report (June 2020) the basis of a sexual education of children and young people, who access from mobile phones on average from the age of 12 and which promotes a type of sexuality that promotes violence and humiliation of women (see the post “Dona al punt zero“).
Mentre es qualifica la pornografia com conseqüència i prova de l’exit del concepte d'”alliberament sexual”, es comercialitzen anells de compromís amb GPS per tenir localitzada la parella, i la “prova d’amor” entre molts adolescents es entregar la contrasenya del facebook,…. em bé al cap com els seguidors Ché Guevara, que pretenien lluitar com ell contra el capitalisme, van acabar sentint “realitzades” les seves ànsies revolucionaries per lWhile pornography is described as a consequence and proof of the success of the concept of “sexual liberation”, engagement rings are marketed with GPS to have the couple located, and the “proof of love” among many teenagers is given the password from facebook, …. I remember how the followers of Ché Guevara, who wanted to fight like him against capitalism, ended up feeling “realized” their revolutionary anxieties by the way of being able to buy a poster and a badge with their portrait thanks to the very capitalism they wanted to fight.
AquHere you can find an interesting article talking about l’amor confluent com els fonaments d’una relació saludable in the “La Mente es Maravillosa” blog.
To transparently grasp the effect of sexual repression on today’s Arab societies, you can take a look at “Sex and the citadel: Intimate Life in a Changing Arab World” by Shereen El Feki and El Himen y la Yihab: porqué el mundo arabe necesita una revolución sexual, by Mona Heltahawy.
